“Basically, I just make noise for a living,” beams Forrest Eaglespeaker. He is a Calgary-born musician who lives in Saskatoon where he moved as a teenager. He moved back and forth between the cities before settling in Saskatoon five years ago but his roots run deep in both cities.

Growing up, Eaglespeaker had a range of adults in his life who had different expectations for him, from a grandmother who thought he could achieve anything to teachers who didn’t think he would achieve much. His family had a lot of issues with intergenerational trauma, with his mom unsure how to parent, his grandmother was a residential school survivor, his father was absent, and he had an alcoholic and drug addicted step-dad. His home lacked stability, safety and routine and there was only chaos. Raised in a low-income, violent neighbourhood, gang activity was normalized. He ended up getting into hip hop, backyard freestyling, rapping in the parking lot at lunch time.

“I didn't like the actual rapping part of hip hop as much, but I love the writing. I loved the use of language, and I loved manipulating rhyme schemes and I fell in love with music and realized at that point in time that was the only thing that I actually felt good at,” Eaglespeaker recalls. As a teen, he started playing drums and that’s when he realized music was it for him, there was no alternate plan. “This music thing, this love for language and creation, it unlocked a whole new world for me, where I felt like it was opposite of my physical reality and it was a good place for me to let all this stuff out,” he continues.  

Struggling with alcoholism and drug addiction for thirteen years as a result of trauma, Eaglespeaker asserts, “I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for music. You know, the cliche that music saved my life? Well, music literally did that for me.” Music became rooted in his very identity and he came to see he could make a living off of it.

When it comes to motivation, Eaglespeaker looks to his family, his daughters and his partner. He also looks to himself, explaining, “I'm always in competition with myself, because I spent so many years doubting myself, I spent so many years living underneath my potential, and just accepting that.” Artists, fellow lyricists, storytellers and wordsmiths inspire him, too. His father in law who shared music with him and broadened his horizons was also a big influence.  

As a learner, Eaglespeaker struggled to fit into colonial education systems and his dad’s philosophy was that he just shouldn’t fail. He found he learned the most from listening to his grandmother’s stories. A hands on, experiential learner, he prefers to find things out for himself. He got a strong musical foundation from his time in cadets as he would be sent to marching band camp. He also learned a lot from a Toronto-based guitar player who encouraged him to try new things because they might be great, a concept that stuck with him. He tries to learn from others and make the most of every chance, asking lots of questions and being humble as a life-long learner. In his humility, he’s also eager to share what he’s learned to help them on their journey.

When it comes to obstacles, Eaglespeaker’s mom was hospitalized from an abusive relationship when she was pregnant with him and he describes himself as having been born into chaos. His mom took off with him and they struggled together as she worked and went to school full time while raising him. Growing up with people having low expectations for him was hard and coping with addictions was its own challenge.

Continuing to develop personally, moving out of his comfort zone, trusting his intuition and resisting falling back into comfortable habits has also been difficult. Staying present and checking in with himself is how he avoids shame, trauma, worry and uncertainty. Journaling was a practice that helped him a lot in the early days of his sobriety. “Nothing takes away self pity more than gratitude, I swear,” he shares. “At the end of the day, the biggest obstacle that I face, really, is just like myself, because I love getting in my own way,” he confides.

If Eaglespeaker could give a message to his younger self it would be, “Don't listen to them, and trust yourself.” As a teen who was so worried about other people’s opinions, he let what he worried people thought about him run his life. Living in a state of fear was especially hard on him with everything he was going through.

To take care of himself now, Eaglespeaker lays down during the day to resist the colonial grind culture. It’s his act of resistance. “I'm like, I don't care about your capitalism for this half an hour,” he laughs. He also likes to have good conversations, avoiding small talk and surface chatter. Another thing he likes to do is engage in acts of kindness for others without telling anyone. Skincare is also important to him.

Thinking of a message to inspire Indigenous youth, Eaglespeaker says, “You're important. You have value. Everything that we do in our life today, as the older generation, regardless if we acknowledge that, or we see that, or we accept that, is for you, because once I'm gone, that younger generation will still be there. This world is for you, so you're important.”

He jokes that he makes noise for a living, but the music he makes is what kept him alive. Overcoming so many life challenges with creativity, Forrest Eaglespeaker found a way through intergenerational trauma, addiction and racism. Born into chaos, he turned those feelings into hip hop and learned how to trust himself again.

Thank you to Alison Tedford Seaweed for authoring this article!